How It Feels
by Elizabeth.June
Summary: '"How does it feel Harry," I began my voice hitching a little through my sobs, "when you see Dean with Ginny?"' A Half Blood Prince one shot. Harry comforts Hermione after the Ron/ Lavender kiss. Please leave a review!


_How It Feels_

**A/N: ****So this is a little one shot during the scene in the Half Blood Prince movie. It takes place during the part where Harry comforts Hermione after the Quidditch celebration and the Ron/ Lavender kiss. For now this is just a one shot, tell me if you would like more Hermione/Ron moments through out the entire series or just during HBP. I'll be happy to do anything you like! Enjoy!**

**Please Review!**

**_Disclaimer: I'm just playing in J.K. Rowling's Sandbox ;)_**

"WEASLEY! WEASLEY! WEASLEY!" The crowd in the Gryffindor common room chanted. Rock music blared, as everyone clapped to the beat. I stood there smirking; Harry was just as bad as I was, using the Felix Felices to help Ron win the game for Gryffindor.

Ron was only an average quidditich player at best, I watched him every summer in the fields of the Burrow as he played with his brothers and, on occasion, his sister. He was always keeper, his quick and agile reflexes kept the quaffle from entering the hoop most of the time, but sometimes he wasn't so lucky. His long, lanky arms would get in the way and he would fall off his broom allowing his siblings to score. He would grunt in frustration, and I would let out an odd laugh and tease him.

I couldn't be completely self righteous though, I had used the confundus charm on Cormac's broom. But that was different, I supposed. Maybe not, Harry and I were both trying to help…

Only, Harry was just trying to help his best friend; I, on the other hand used a harmless spell or two to help myself get noticed as something other than just plain old Hermione Granger. I admitted to myself a long time ago that I was in love with Ronald Weasley.

Halfway through our forth year, I noticed I started acting different around Ron. Every friendly hug we shared was different somehow, like a breath of air after holding my breath underwater too long. When he smiled, I smiled; he laughed and it brightened up my whole world and I let out a surprising girlish giggle. It took me a while to realize it, but soon I couldn't deny it: I had a crush on my best friend.

Over the past two years the simple school girl crush became something I refused to ever let anyone else know about. My secret infatuation with Ronald Weasley was safe inside my head.

Though, as hard as I tried, I couldn't pretend to not be in love with my best friend.

I tried to prolong our hugs, to the point where either Harry or Ron himself would clear their throat, and I would awkwardly let go and give a nervous blush. Giving a shy glance back at Ron, I could see his ears turn a fierce shade of red as he scratched at the back of his head. He would stutter sometimes and walk away, or just pretend like it never happened. I loved to believe that the blush was because of me, that he was feeling something too.

I brought myself out of my reverie, coming back down to Earth and into the overcrowded Gryffindor common room. The chants of 'Weasley' and rock music coming to the forefront of my mind once more.

I saw Ron's face light up with an exuberant smile from the victory that shouldn't have been. 'Liquid luck' indeed.

"You know you really shouldn't have done it," I said to Harry, trying to force some form of guilt upon him.

"I know," he replied, a joking smile dancing on his face. "I suppose I could have just used the confundus charm."

I guess I deserved that one. Was my spell really that obvious during tryouts? I had been going for subtle… but I guess Harry had just been looking for a reason to get his best friend on the team. I couldn't help to be a little shocked that Harry noticed.

"That was different," I quickly replied my eyes wide, "that was try outs, this was an actual game." I was ready to argue more on my part, but Harry pulled a glass vile out of his blue and gray flannel shirt. I looked long and hard at the vile of clear liquid, immediately realizing what it was, just not wanting to be proven wrong. It was the Felix Felices. The glass container as full to the brim, the same way Harry had received it from Professor Slughorn. There was no way he had used it on Ron, it took at least half the small container, if not all of it, to have any noticeable effects.

At once I realized what Harry had done; he was truly brilliant.

"You didn't put it in," I said slowly, looking back at Ron being lifted up by the huge crowd in the Gryffindor common room as they continued their chants and clapping. "Ron only thought you did."

Harry gave a self satisfied nod, carefully placing the glass vile back into the chest pocket of his shirt, smirking at his own wit.

I stared open mouthed at him not believing my eyes. I didn't want to think about what would happen at the next game, when Harry couldn't pretend to slip a luck potion into Ron's morning pumpkin juice, because it didn't matter. Ron believed in himself now, he didn't have to worry about messing up his first game, it was already over and if he could win for Gryffindor once, then he could do it again

At that moment, louder cheers erupted from the continuously chanting crowd. My eyes focused on the red head in the center of the room.

But I couldn't see his face, my view was obstructed by a mass of dirty blond curls. She was snogging Ron. Lavender Brown was snogging Ronald Weasley.

My mind went black, I was completely at a loss for words.

I could only hope for one thing: he didn't kiss her back. _Please don't let him feel the same way._

All too soon, my hopes were crushed as Ron's rigid posture relax and he wrapped his arms around her waist. _NO. No. _

Tears welled up in my eyes, making my vision blurry as they turned, running their hands up and down each others backs, hands fisted in each others hair. I saw Ron's lips press against Lavender's with an alarming amount of force. He was snogging her now.

A pain rose from the hole where my heart was supposed to be. I burned as my heart was broken in half.

No, this was all wrong. He was kissing the wrong girl. She had nothing for him, only lust. Lavender Brown never loved Ron. Never loved him at all, especially like I did.

I watched as the kiss deepened even more, taking on a desperate quality.

_That should be me,_ I thought.

Whistles and cat calls filled the room yelling words of encouragement.

"Atta boy Ron!" Someone shouted next to me, but the voice seemed to be coming from miles away.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave.

I pushed through the crowd, noticing Harry smiling and laughing along with everyone else, I frowned. I thought he would know how it felt, with Ginny and Dean together and all.

I kept making my way to the Fat Lady's portrait, not noticing who I pushed past. I could feel the tears slowly trickle down my cheeks, unwilling to be held back anymore.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve, but they immediately blurred again. I made my way out the door as the familiar voice of the Fat Lady called out to me. I had n't the slightest idea of what she said, I only heard her worried tones carrying through the empty halls.

My tears were starting to fall harder and faster, a sob choked out of my throat.

I wasn't good enough for him. He never wanted me. Ron Weasley would never see me as anything more than a friend; more than plain bushy-haired Hermione Granger.

But had I really expected him to?

Yes, I had entertained many a fantasy where I was in his arms as I read one of my favorite books. I knew I wanted him, and I had always imagined us being together as more than friends. It was something I wanted, I knew I was falling in love with my best friend and I never stopped it, never once told myself I should slow down before I got hurt. I should have cut my feelings short way back at the beginning, that's what a smart girl would have done.

I had let myself hope for far too much.

I found myself wandering down a small spiral staircase to the charms class room. I made my way to the bottom step and put my head in my hands.

I wouldn't ever get the image out of my head, of Lavender snogging Ron deeply, and he returning the favor. It was burned into my mind.

Needing to get away from that image, I took out my wand from my jacket pocket. Muttering the most complex charms spell I knew, five yellow birds appeared on the floor in front of me. With another complicated flick of my wand they flew up into the air, starting to sway in the breeze between each other, like a conductor brandishing his stick performing some smooth symphony. I watched them in silence, the tears trailing down my cheeks punctuated by soft sobs.

The difficulty of the spell kept my mind good and numb; I couldn't let my concentration falter, or the birds would stop and disappear.

Soon enough, I heard someone coming down the spiral staircase. The soft footsteps echoed on the stone floors.

_Please don't let it be Ron. Don't let him see me this way over him. _

A black haired boy with bright green eyes stepped through the doorway. Harry.

Wouldn't it be just as bad for him to see me crying over his best friend? As he reached the step I was on, he looked at the birds and then at me, a sad questioning look in his eyes.

For all Harry knew, I only considered Ron as a friend, someone I was annoyed with, but still my friend. He couldn't know how I felt.

I decided to pretend like it was nothing. Hopefully he wouldn't notice the tremor in my voice.

"C-Charms spell," I said slightly hiccuping. "Just p-practicing."

Harry looked away fro me for a second to observe the birds. We both watched them sway to a silent beat.

I saw him look at me in my peripheral vision.

"Well, they're really good," he said, taking a seat beside me.

He continued to look at me, I met his green eyes fro one brief moment before I looked away. There was a glimpse of confusion in them, he really didn't know.

I decided he was my best bet at having someone to talk to. I needed a best friend, and at the moment he was the only one I had.

But I couldn't just blurt out my feelings for Ron, so I decided on how he might relate to my problem.

"H-How does it f-feel Harry," I began my voice hitching a little through my sobs, "when you see D-Dean with Ginny?"

I looked up to gauge his reaction to my knowledge he probably didn't even know I had. It was obvious that he felt something romantic for her; I saw the small stab of pain in his eyes every time he looked at either one of them. When he saw them kiss, he always looked away, not for respect of privacy but because he was hurt. As hurt as I was right now.

Harry's eyes widened in disbelief, and he began to stutter.

"Well, I-I um," he said, not looking me directly in the eye.

"I know," I assured him, "I see the way you look at her. You're my best friend." I looked down at the ground between us, letting a few tears escape down my cheeks.

Our moment was rudely interrupted my a loud girlish giggle. _Oh no..._

Lavender came skipping in holding tightly to Ron's hand. The way she looked at him, the way she beamed brightly and he smiled back was just too much to take.

I looked down again, trying to hide my tears from the last person I wanted to see them.

Ron let go of her hand as he looked at Harry and I on the steps, his bright smile faded to a smirk as he hands moved to hug his arm.

"Oops," Lavender said, slightly out of breath, from what I didn't want to know... "I think this room's taken," she finished smiling up at Ron, hugging his arms tighter. I looked up through my lashes and saw Harry glaring furiously at them both. Lavender looked at me then back at Ron, hugged his arm one last time and then ran off out of the room. Ron stayed behind, looking curiously at Harry and I, then the magical birds that floated through each other.

"What's with the birds?" He questioned, smirking.

How DARE he?

Something about his comment set me off, I stood in a fit of anger. I held my wand tightly in my fist by my side.

I didn't bother answering, instead I thought of something better. "_Oppugno," _I muttered, fierce determination in my voice.

At my word, the birds stopped dancing. They assembled in a straight line above my head and dived towards Ron's head. His smirk quickly vanished as he saw the birds impending attack on him. He quickly ran backward and slightly to the side as my birds crashed into the door beside his face, a few yellow feathers falling airily to the ground.

He looked at me and I looked at him. I made my eyes as hard and stern as I could and he gaped at me with an open mouth.

I kept my angry gaze until he finally backed away and ran out of the room to join Lavender. As soon as he was gone, I felt my face crumble and a fresh round of tears began.

I shut my eyes and sat back down and I felt my heart tear the last seam. I was completely in two.

This time, I snuggled up closer to Harry welcoming his wonderful embrace. I laid my head on his broad shoulder and let myself fall to pieces, my tears soaking his warm flannel shirt in salt water. He rubbed my hand in comfort and leaned his cheek down to the top of my bushy brown hair. He stared at the stone wall in front of us, not seeing it.

"It feels like this," he said.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I hoped you liked this! Please remember to review! **

**(If you want, tell me if you want a whole long angsty story with Ron/Hermione. I could do little snippets of the whole series, or just some scenes from HBP... you tell me!)**

***** Also, if you liked this, you might like my Snape fic called "Always". Snape-centric scene where he visits the house in Godric's Hollow to see if Lily Potter really is dead. It also includes some Maurauder- era Hogwarts flashbacks between Severus and Lily. IT'S CANNON! Check it out!**


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